Its all a big fat lie.

 

You’re not alone.

And either was I…

but I had bought into the myth and — more dangerously — the mindset of being a solopreneur.

When I started Ficus I wanted it to be my one-woman show, my ‘I’m keepin’ it solo so that I don’t go loco’ modus operato. I’d been working for others, following their lead, assisting their dreams, serving their clients… for too long! 

 

So I figured that if I raised the sail on my own ship, I could pick my own crew {aka clients}, set my own terms, keep my workload light, work from wherever I wanted...You know the drill — I could live "the dream"

And that all came true. {well… except those last 5 words}. 

 

Worse yet, I bought into the concept of SOLO. That I could — and SHOULD — do it all on my own. 

Which, by the way — is friggin' impossible!
But in my mind, unless I could pull it all off on my own, I was an f-word…

Yep, you guessed it...Failure.

 

A short, not-very-sweet six months in and I hire our first employee to help lessen my load. Below deck I was already sinkin’ my own ship, drowning in the backwater of my me-ness ways of being. All my patterns of over-working, over-committing, over-booking + people pleasing had followed me fiercely and forcibly onto my own ship. 

And it didn’t stop there.

In order to feed the solo myth and my pride, I kept giving myself away. My time, my money, my dreams, my freedom. Trying to prove I was ‘killin’ it’ to my friends, family, clients… to myself.

You know what I was really doing with my ‘solo’ mindset?
Drowning myself in work, wine, Netflix + fear each night.

Then I hit a wall. Some would call it rock bottom.

There came a point when reality sunk in that I was no longer running my own business, or life for that matter. I was sacrificing everything just to make others happy and uphold the myth that I was a success. My health had declined, I wasn't engaging in any of the activities that brought me joy, and I was constantly feeling like I was letting friends, family + clients down. 

After an all-time low where it was lovingly pointed out to me that my workaholism was becoming a serious problem, I broke down. Like sitting-in-my-car-head-in-my-hands-sobbing broke down. 

But as the new day dawned, a beautiful realization rose the next day…

...from breakdowns come breakthroughs.

I had finally just allowed myself to be where I actually was instead of trying to appear like I had it all together. And it was the first time I allowed myself to fully feel + grieve not only my betrayal to those around me, but to myself.

In that breakthrough my mindset — amongst other things — shifted. I wasn’t actually alone even though I had kept telling myself that.

I had clients, an accountant, a bookkeeper, an administrative assistant; I had formed relationships with printers, web + domain hosting services, freelance mentors + advisors; and I had great allies who supported me daily in the form of local coffee shop + restaurant owners. 

The last thing I actually was, was alone.

 
 

"Solopreneurism, as a mindset, is a myth. A big, multi-faceted one. The idea that one single person can be an expert at and accomplish everything is ridiculous."

— Paul Jarvis {google him!}

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Shift happens. But it came only in the wake of taking an honest look in the mirror of my own madness, and filling my car with tear-soaked, snotty tissues.

There's more to say on this subject, so stay tuned savvy slayers of truth + authenticity. And stay human. The world needs you, in all your tear-soaked-snotty-tissue-post-breakdown glory.


— Greer + The Ficus Fabulosos